Tuesday, December 11, 2007

You know you're from Sydney when....

You know you're from Sydney when....

Funnily enough, I know / associate with most of these:

-You were there:"And the winner is....SYDE-NEY!". And where do I start with the 2000 Olympics? (Not to mention the 4 years' build-up prior)

-You know not to try getting a taxi anywhere near the 3am changeover time.

-You've walked the city streets looking for a taxi (in a drunken mess) at the 3am changeover time.

-If you live on the Northern Beaches, crossing the bridge is for special occasions only, and a mission at that.

-Comparatively, Shire-ites experience this feeling in crossing Tom Ugly's. (For the ignorant: Tom Ugly's links the Shire with civilisation)

-You've hugged the "free hugs" guy who spreads the love at Pitt St Mall

-You know the dude who stands at the corner or George and Market Streets outside Myer, pleading for money for his "Supreme Court Trial".

-You're familiar with the old guy who sells those material bracelets around Town Hall & outside the George St cinemas. But never bought one.

-You know who the "Chasers" are.

-You'd like to be chased by the Chasers (unless you're a right wing freak and have something to be ashamed of)

-You've never done bridge climb, and you're never planning on it.

-NIGHTRIDE!

-"At night, rave near the guard's compartment, naked with a blue light" means something to you.

-You went on multiple school camps at Narrabeen

-In what could only be described as some form of punishment, you went on a school camp to Canberra, complete with visit to Parliament House and that damn lake with the big fountain. Thanks to this trip, however, we know never to bother going to Canberra AGAIN.

-The best trips were always the school camps to Jindabyne!

-Still on school: you grew up in Sydney if a pedophile and kiddy fiddler disguised as a giraffe who called himself "Harold" visited your primary school under the pretence of sexual education. Hello, he had a van; With no windows. Blindingly obvious he was a fiddler.

-"No hat no play" being drilled into your head made you the UV-aware person that you are today.

-You can understand just what the train guards are saying on the PA announcements (For the record, it's usually: Stand clear, doors closing")

You haven't been to the zoo, except on a primary school excursion where you threw stuff at the animals. (or alternatively.. zoo? what zoo?)

-You've been to PBH at some time after dawn.

-You know if you went to Scruffy Murphy's, you should either (a) hang your head down in shame or (b) never tell a soul you were there...

-You've never seen Kings Cross in daylight.. unless its on your way home. Same goes for Taylor Square and that stretch of grass near the fountain, otherwise known as "Trash Island". And the adjacent fountain, "The Communal Douche"

-You've swum in the fountain at King's Cross
-A trip to Mt. Druitt warrants a pillow in the car

-You don't like Bondi, but would choose Tamarama, Bronte, or any of the Northern Beaches any day. Maybe not Cronulla if you're anything other than Anglo-Saxon.

-You know that the "Bra Boys" are anything BUT cross-dressers.

-You can pronounce and spell the following:
Coogee, Woolloomooloo, Wollongong, Parramatta, Woronora, Warawee, Waitara, Yagoona

-You know that Turramurra and Tamarama are two different places.

-You know what "Glamarama" is actually the name for. And you know why.

-The sight of drag queens does not phase you.

-If the train is expected in ten minutes or less you figure CityRail is having a good day!

-The beauty of the harbour does not surprise you

-Riding the ferry is not for leisure or pleasure, but a mode of transport.

-However...You don't even use the ferry as a form of transport because its too frickin' slow.

-You know what tzatziki, baklava, hommous, yum-cha, pad thai, dolmades, tabbouleh and pide are and you've eaten all of them.

-You know how to say hello (and possibly some swear words) in at least one language other than English. Most likely Croat/Serb/Bosnian/Macedonian, Greek, Arabic and possibly Indonesian or Chinese.

-You've ever "studied" for exams at the State Library

-You wanted to kick that stupid man dressed in a donkey suit in Pitt St Mall.

-You laugh at or console anyone who's ever lived/had to live/from/been to Canberra.

-You see a guy wearing pink, and don't automatically think he's gay

-You know straight men can drink soy latt├ęs, too.

-You treat Baristas like they are your dealer. Coffee is your drug.

-You've heard the following uttered from a dog statue: "Hello my name is [dog] (what is his name?), I was once the dog of the great Queen Victoria........If you toss a coin in I will thank you. Thank you. Woof Woof!"

-You NEVER catch the monorail and think it's a useless, expensive-to-catch piece of crap. "Class A" waste of space. After all, it's not an episode of "the Simpsons", is it? ("Monorail....Monorail....MONORAIL!"). Monorail= so 80s

-You know it might be quicker to walk from Central to Circular Quay at any given time than catch a bus down George St or a train

-You know where all the 24-hour drinking establishments are.

-You're scared that when you walk past Town Hall steps at any given time, two dozen emo children are going commit mass suicide, declaring "It's a cruel, cruel world, maaaan"

-You think: what is it with P-Plated Subaru WRXs on George St Friday and Saturday nights. And Industrie shirts with the collars up.

-Fireworks just don't get you excited anymore. (Come on people, we have them for ANY thing). And just in case anyone is thinking of doubting this fact, here's a short list of the occasions for which the City of Sydney has/ has had fireworks.
-Australia Day (Granted)
-Anzac Day
-NYE (times 2)
-The Sydney Harbour Bridge's birthday
-Queen's Birthday
-ANZAC Day
-When the QE2 departed Sydney Harbour (yay, let's fanfare a bunch of people who could afford $100,000 + for a cruise and spend taxpayers' money doing it!)
-The Easter Show...oh not just one night, but each and every night!
and, my all time favourite reason for fireworks,
-The Australian Idol Grand Finale (EVERY YEAR!!!).
-Football Games (mainly Origin or Finales)
-NEW for 2007: APEC Summits. Only on the condition that we, as Sydneysiders whose money is being spent on them, don't look at them.

-The Easter Show is something that s only okay to go to until you're 16, and only after that if you're taking your OWN kids.

-You think Showbags at the Show are a waste of money

-It's not called the Underground, the metro, the tube or the subway, but it's just called "the train".

-You've been to at least one "Big Day Out"

-You drank in Hyde Park, underage,on at least one year of the Mardi Gras.

-You know it's pronounced Circular "Key" not "Kway"

-You hate the State Labor Government, but somehow they still keep getting elected. They promise change; it doesn't come. Then they get re-elected.

-You wear a scarf/gloves/beanie/puffer jacket when the temperature hits below 18 degrees.

-You've accepted the (annoying) rule that no thongs are allowed to be worn into clubs. But you'll always try to sneak in anyway. Or beg.

-You have just accepted that all bouncers are pricks.

-You know what I mean when I say "The Shire"

-You say "Wog" and don't think of it as derogatory. And neither do the wogs around whom you say it.

-If you live in the Western suburbs, a night out in the City is a big deal. So much so, that you're forced to get a HOTEL room in which to stay the night...hahaha.

-If you live in the City, you'd never go into the suburbs.

-The word "Westie" is used as an insult.

9 comments:

Ben said...

You're an idiot who doesn't realise that everywhere else in Australia people are laughing at you because you live in the biggest whole in the country while thinking otherwise.

Clay said...

You spelt "hole" wrong...

Goes to show what Country Hicks know ;)

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Who could forget Healthy Harold the pedo giraffe?